Besting Letterman

David Letterman recently did a Top Ten List of the "Ways The Country Would Be Different If Chris Christie Were President". All fat guy jokes:

8. Cabinet will now have a Secretary of Cake . . .

4. Taxpayers would have to pay for the President’s second seat on Air Force One

This typically lame and liberal list inspired reader Morgan to email a Top Ten about Letterman that focused on more than his physical appearance:

"The Top Ten Ways The Country Would Be Different If David Letterman's Show Got Canceled":

10. CBS interns no longer required to sign Creepy Old Boss Waver

9. People who want to hear unfunny political rants forced to watch MSNBC

8. After he stops the fake laughter, Paul Shaffer's hair starts growing in

7. In an honest moment, Letterman changes production company's name from Worldwide Pants to I Can't Keep It In My Pants, Worldwide

6. Missing the limelight, Letterman starts friending former stalkers on Facebook

5. Letterman reprises failed Oscar performance at his Montana ranch: "Moose ... goose. Goose ... moose."

4. Rupert Jee's Hello Deli replaces Letterman Sandwich with 10-pound hunk of baloney

3. When her residual checks stop coming in, Dave's mom admits she never really liked the guy

2. "Potato ... tomato. Tomato ... potato."

1. Blackmailer drops threat to expose Letterman as unfunny