Monday, May 25, 2009

Larry King -- Can I Ask You A Question?


Larry, I read the little excerpt you are using to sell your book and it was amusing.  Also amusing:  CNN is helping you sell your book by publishing this excerpt.  Also amusing:  Larry King works for CNN.  Coincidence?  

In this excerpt, Larry talks about being over $200,000 in debt (in 1971). Larry has no job, a three-pack-a-day habit, and oh by the way, only $42 to his name. So what does he do? He goes to the track. He apparently spends a lot of time at the track as he is on a first-name basis with the valet. Oh yes he is broke but he has style, and he of course uses the valet at the track.

This day at the track, Larry bets all but $2 of his hoard on a single horse at 70 to 1 odds. He plays the wheel, the trifecta, and he bets him to win. He hits all of them and on a single horse makes nearly $8,000. Amazing. Read his story, he's a pretty good writer and it is a quick read. Then come back here to read the smack-down I'm going to lay on Larry.

If you don't want to bother giving CNN a click-through then just review this, the finale to his little story:
My [Larry's] birthday is November 19. Lady Forli was number 11. So I bet 11 to win, 1 to place, and 9 to show. Now I had bets in for 11 on top, 11 on bottom, and 11 to win. And I had a trifecta -- 11-1-9.

When the race began, I had two dollars left to my name -- and that was for the valet.

There was no question about it. The 11 won by five lengths. The 1 was three lengths ahead of the 9. I had every winning ticket. I had it to win. I had the exacta. I had the trifecta. I collected nearly eight thousand dollars. Eight thousand dollars!

So I stuffed all the money in my jacket. It was bundled up. I didn't know what to do with it. I ran out of the track. The valet attendant came over and said, "You leaving so early?"

"Yeah."

"Bad day, Mr. King?"

I tipped him fifty dollars. The guy nearly fainted.

I paid my child support for the next year. I paid my rent for a year. I bought twenty cartons of cigarettes and stacked them up in my apartment, and I filled the refrigerator.
Please observe that Larry had so little self-control that he had to pay his bills in advance. Presumably, the money would have burned a hole in his pocket. 

I don't know Larry, I never watch his show (recall I do not have a television). But if I were to guess, I would say Larry you are a fiscal-irresponsible. (At least Larry is entertaining, I presume anyway. At least we don't prop him up with our tax dollars like so many other fiscal-irresponsibles.)

Now Larry, here is what I want to know: Did you pay income taxes on that $8,000? Tell the truth. the statute of limitations expired long ago. We ought to know the truth-- are you a tax dodging liberal as well as a fiscal-irresponsible? Because you know Obama is hiring and it is apparently one of the qualifications to be a tax dodging liberal scum...

2 comments:

OBloodyHell said...

MMMmmmm. My guess is that $8k in 1971 was sufficient that the IRS took out their danegeld directly at the track. (p.s., how the hell does my spell checker not have the word 'danegeld' in it? Well, it does now.).

BTW, if you want to watch the most fun, best, really obscure racetrack movie, I'd recommend
Let It Ride (Netflix)


It's not hilarious -- just a fun, charming, and upbeat story about racetrack losers of all kinds, and very, very quotable.
===

What? You like the odds on lightning?

Bob in Los Angeles said...

Thanks OBH

Added it to my Netflix queue.