A Modest Proposal

For comprehensive immigration reform:

1. Build a fence along the entire length of the U.S.-Mexico border.



2. Make deportation the sole penalty for the first offense of entering or remaining in America illegally.



3. Extend the Sarbanes-Oxley requirement of personal liability for corporate offenses to cover "conspiracy to commit illegal immigration" (i.e., employing illegal immigrants), and apply that liability to all officers, directors and/or general partners of any offending corporation or partnership, no matter how small. Set the penalty for first offense to personal forfeiture of the equivalent wages at Davis-Bacon rates.



4. Eliminate all current quotas and "chained" rationales for legal immigration, substituting a numerical quota set to a minimum of the current quota and a maximum of 1/300th of total population, with the actual number chosen each year by Markos Moulitsas Zúniga.



5. Allocate each year's quota by reverse ("Dutch") auction, opening at $1 billion, declining at $1,000 increments and ending when all places are filled or the bid price equals the costs of immigration application processing, whichever comes first.



6. Make the death penalty the sole punishment for the second offense of entering or remaining in America illegally. And for the second offense of conspiracy to commit illegal immigration.

(look, Ma, no hyperlinks!)